Here’s the goal: I want the weather to remain fair and sunny for the next week. No clouds or rain! I am just sick and tired of bad weather.
How do you respond? I think you know.
Interestingly, so many of us put ourselves in a similar position when it comes to our personal goals. We choose things over which we have no control or little influence.
I want my husband to stop working so much.
My teenagers need to learn more respect.
I need my boss to recognize me.
I want my parents to mind their own business.
It is natural to want others to change, especially when they aren’t making the effort. We all live in the midst of relationships and it is so easy to notice what others need to be doing, right?
Good news and bad news.
The good news is, you can have influence over your relationships more than you can control the weather.
The bad news is that you must approach these other-oriented issues by working on yourself.
These reasons actually turn the bad news into good news. Enjoy.
When you work on goals for yourself, you are in the driver’s seat. Your success is based on your effort and not dependent on someone else seeing the light or even agreeing with you.
When you are in charge, you write your own ticket.
Nothing gives you greater confidence than knowing that, regardless of your problems, you are working to solve them. Deciding to address your own issues is a magical moment. After the decision, you feel empowered.
Amazingly, your problems haven’t changed in this moment of decision. Your attitude has merely shifted. It is this shift that makes all the difference.
Requiring others to change so you can be happy is a setup. You base your satisfaction on their desires for change, not yours. When they aren’t interested, you are likely to feel like a victim, which can be depressing.
A woman would like her husband to lose some weight. This is fair. She realizes she could stand to lose a few pounds, too, so she quietly goes for it. She begins to eat healthily, go to the gym and feel better about herself.
As she gets healthier and more attractive, he begins to get a little nervous. Wow, she’s looking pretty hot and here I am barely able to get off the couch.
As hubby begins to feel more insecure, he decides to get it together and catch up with his wife. After all, he doesn’t want to lose her.
Such a common scenario! And she never even had to pester him.
You’ve seen those people who go around complaining about the people in their life. On and on…his wife is this, his son is that, his boss is a loser.
All the while, what are you thinking? Who are you to talk? The complainer’s faults are obvious from the outside on listening to all the whining and moaning only makes you focus on them more.
When you walk your talk, you have moral authority and people know it. When you are an example, people appreciate it.
When you wouldn’t ask someone to do anything that you wouldn’t do and they know it, you have authority and respect. It’s healthy.
Even if the other people in your life do not change, do you still want to heal?
Many people put off their own development and use others as the reason why. Don’t put off your goals because others in your life are stagnant.
When you work on yourself, you heal, regardless of what other people do.
Set goals for yourself. Work on them. Then, if you choose to ask others to change, at least you won’t be a hypocrite. You’ll have confidence and the moral authority to ask fairly.
Then, regardless of the response, you’ll be still be living an empowered life, which gives you all the options in the world.