I don’t usually come out like this, but on days like today I am embarrassed to call myself an NLP trainer.
If the foundational skills NLP has to offer weren’t unique, I’d leave the field. Alas, we must put up with the battery of lies that “search engine popular” NLP trainers tell every single day.
These slick guys and gals are only interested in your pocket book, my friends. Otherwise, they’d tell the truth. As it stands, they are about as truthful as a stereotypical used car salesman.
When you see statements like the following, RUN! And remember, these are not a reflection of NLP, but of the slime balls that sell the dark side of NLP.
Here are some of the current NLP lies you’ll find online. You can use NLP to:
1. Overcome bad habits in minutes.
An outright lie. If NLP were this magical, no NLP practitioner would need to advertise. The masses would line up, beating a path to door of anyone with such superpowers. Addiction recovery centers would go out of business. The junk food industry would vanish. The world would be quite a different place.
If any NLP liar happens to be reading this and wants to PROVE ME WRONG, then let’s do it. We’ll gather 100 people with unwanted habits. You can work with them for “minutes” each and let’s see how well they do over the next six months.
Any takers? No? I thought so.
The truth: You can overcome bad habits. Overcoming habits will probably take time. There is no magic bullet. Habits are often rooted in deep, psychological attachments that require sorting out. Some of our deepest learning occurs when we consciously struggle to understand why we are attached to something that is not good for us. Don’t deny yourself the learning process! That is what makes the change last…
2. Feel any emotional state you want instantly and automatically.
Yeah, as if you were a programmable robot. Is this their idea of emotional health? That you can instantly feel whatever you want, whenever you want, on autopilot? Sorry, no.
Your mind and body are complex. If you struggle with unwanted feelings or have a hard time accessing the most empowering state right when you need it, welcome to LIFE. We all struggle. We’re all human.
Do you really want to learn from someone who pretends to program people (I must apologize for the name, Neuro-Linguistic Programming here. The gentleman who named the field has delusions of his own, no doubt.)
Wouldn’t you be better off learning about emotional health from an emotionally mature person? Someone who understands that life is not about feeling what you want when you want, instantly and automatically?
3. Get into rapport and create instant connection with anyone, anytime, anywhere.
Really? Instant connection with anyone, anytime? Is this their idea of intimacy or something? Those of us who value real connection realize that you cannot “instantly” create genuine connection with “anyone, anytime, anywhere.”
Real connections are special. They take time, personal vulnerability and awareness to form. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be all that special, would they? NLP has some useful tools to deepen connections. They need to be applied wisely and consistently.
Instant is cheap.
4. Program your unconscious mind to instinctively have any empowering belief you want.
Now that’s impressive. We are programming instinct now, eh? You’ve outdone yourselves, guys. Wow. I’m speechless.
5. The grandaddy of all NLP lies is implied.
The most powerful lie is the implied fantasy that “NLP” will do things for you, as if it were some sort of magic pill that will solve all your problems so you don’t have to. This puts the almighty NLP trainer in the driver seat with his coveted “secrets” that you can access only by opening your wallet (wide).
And it dis-empowers YOU, suggesting you remain passive while “NLP” fixes you. For people hanging onto the childlike hope that something will fix them someday, this grandaddy lie is a real hook. It’s sad.
Don’t fall for it.
Learn the real NLP, which is an eye-opening and very useful set of skills. It’s unique and well-worth the effort and a reasonable investment. It takes time and practice to get the basics. Mastering NLP takes a lifetime, and the process is a fascinating journey filled with discovery.
We don’t need to tell outrageous lies in order to sell NLP. The truth is enough.
Mike Bundrant is a retired psychotherapist, Master NLP trainer, and practicing life coach. He and his wife, Hope, founded iNLP Center in 2011. For information on coaching with Mike, please visit his coaching website AHA System.