If Your Unconscious Mind Could Speak, Here Is What It Would Say

listenThis article is likely to provoke the following defenses:

Anger, disbelief, mirth, shame, confusion, blame, fear, intellectual scorn, emotional paralysis, self-criticism, other criticism, a numb feeling and other means of avoiding the truth.

Read on with caution, and realize we’re all in the same boat.

Some of us remember the book by Nathaniel Branden, If you Could Hear what I Cannot Say (out of print). Like much of Branden’s work, the book suggests we unconsciously seek goals – often negative goals – while pretending something entirely different is going on.

Maybe now is the time to wake up, listen, and learn.

Only by acknowledging the truth can we free ourselves.

Understanding how the unconscious mind works takes guts. Here’s why: To really see what is going on in your life and with your behavior, you need to be willing to look past your ego and the persona of your public self so you can see the truth.

This should begin with the realization that you do not always seek out what is best for yourself or other people. In fact, you may unknowingly be attracted to negative things.

Unfortunately, most of us refuse to acknowledge that we’ve become attached to certain miserable feelings. Because of this attachment, we keep setting ourselves up to feel that way again and again, while hiding the truth from ourselves, blaming others and generally acting clueless.

I can say that because I am in the same boat. Staying conscious is a constant struggle.

I think all of us, if we truly want to see ourselves clearly, can find at least one thing that applies in the list below.

Enjoy the following straight talk from a typical unconscious mind:

I don’t like chronic emotional suffering, but I like the excuses it gives me.

I exaggerate my troubles so that they seem impossible to solve. Then, I do not have to make the effort.

I cherish the mess I have made of my life. That’s the sweetest revenge against my parents.

I am bored and purposeless, so I create drama to amuse myself.

I use my husband for financial support, even though I can’t stand him.

I grew up with shame and now shame myself to keep the family tradition alive.

That empty, hollow feeling inside is what I call “home.” I seek fulfillment in things that do not make me happy (food, TV, alcohol, drugs, empty relationships, star chasing, etc…) to keep the emptiness alive. I don’t know who I’d be without it.

I refuse to take care of myself so that others will have to take care of me. After all, they owe me.

I am out of control so that others will monitor me, even though I resent them for it.

I act annoyingly and find strange satisfaction in the negative attention I get.

I don’t know who I would be without this feeling of worthlessness, so I keep doing things to make myself feel worthless.

I keep myself overwhelmed and busy to avoid my miserable marriage.

I use my wife for sex and meals even though I don’t really care about her.

No matter what I do, I find a way to criticize myself because happiness seems foreign. I choose familiar misery over foreign happiness.

I have always been lonely, and I push people away to keep what I have always had.

Oops, failed again! That will teach them not to count on me. I can’t stand people’s expectations.

The greatest obstacle to change is failing to see the problem. Most of us think we have one set of problems (not enough money, not enough will power, bad luck, poor decision-making skills, etc…) when in reality we have a totally different issue – the issue is self-sabotage.

It’s like we are stabbing ourselves in the leg, but the only problem we can see is that our leg is bleeding. Once we see the knife in our hand, a whole new reality sets in – and a whole new array of choices becomes available.

Now we can say, “I don’t want to stab myself and now can put the knife down.”

So, if you gave your unconscious mind a chance to speak the truth right now, what would it say? And if you could hear the truth, are you willing to accept it?

A good way to find out what your unconscious mind is really up to is to watch this enlightening free video on self-sabotage and negative psychological attachments.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

If you want help changing your unconscious mind, consider personal coaching with Mike Bundrant. Click here to learn more and inquire.

About Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is a retired psychotherapist, Master NLP trainer, and practicing life coach. He and his wife, Hope, co-founded iNLP Center in 2011.
Comments ( 2 )
  1. Lara

    Wow! While I can very easily see that most of that used to actually apply to me – I can also see where none of it now does. I’m sad that you are so cynical that you can’t allow anyone could possibly improve their life away from all of these areas, but I guess that’s something you may have to work on. I’ve done many years of counselling, self-searching, self-improvement and EFT, plus used a lot of your techniques that you so graciously give for free, and I can honestly say not one thing on this list now applies to me. I felt I had to reply because to disregard all of the work and effort I have made is to disregard me, and that’s not acceptable, whether you choose to believe or not.

    In order:

    I don’t like chronic emotional suffering, but I like the excuses it gives me.

    No, I don’t like chronic emotional suffering, and I rarely have any due to my own personal attitude. I have been through a lot, and did use it to excuse my own behaviour for many years, but for the last few years I have made a lot of effort to bring myself to an incredibly positive place, and I won’t go back. If I do get upset I don’t allow it to take me over, and I focus on what I can do about the situation, and let the rest go. I don’t make excuses.

    I exaggerate my troubles so that they seem impossible to solve Then, I do not have to make the effort.

    Again, while I used to do this I have not for many years. I have troubles the same as anyone else, but they’re not big and they’re not many, and they’re certainly not unsolvable! I hate dishonesty and to me exaggeration is a form of that. I watch other people do this and have no desire to be that pathetic ever again.

    I cherish the mess I have made of my life. That’s the sweetest revenge against my parents.

    Well, I have nothing to do with either of my parents and haven’t for many years, one was a paedophile and the other a narcissist.
    My life is wonderful, and they don’t encroach on my thoughts.
    I don’t know – and have no desire to know what they think.

    I am bored and purposeless, so I create drama to amuse myself.

    I’m not bored or purposeless. Life and our world are so intricate and amazing how could anyone ever be bored? But – haha – I was a drama queen and I can definitely see this one applied to me for many years. Again, not for a long time. I have peace now and I don’t like anything to disturb that. I don’t allow drama or people who create drama to be a part of my life.

    I use my husband for financial support, even though I can’t stand him.

    My husband does support me financially, because we’re not greedy. We don’t have holidays and expensive things, but what we do have is a healthy, loving lifestyle full of good home-made organic everything. Yep, I’m one of those people who make everything from scratch, from raw organic meals, to soap, to body products, bug repellent, to clothes, to growing veggies… (I could go on but you get my meaning) Oh and did I mention LOVE? He is my best friend in the whole world. That answers the second part of that.

    I grew up with shame and now shame myself. I do a lot to give myself reason to be disappointed.

    I grew up with shame, that is totally true, but now I do a lot to LOVE myself. I give myself permission to be happy, and fulfilled, and loved every minute of every day. The only way I would disappoint myself now is if I stopped being truly authentic.

    That empty, hollow feeling inside is what I call “home.” I seek fulfillment in things that do not fulfill (food, TV, alcohol, drugs, empty relationships, star chasing, etc…) to keep the emptiness alive. I don’t know who I’d be without it.

    I have peace and joy inside. That’s what I call home.
    Food – I eat one or two vegan meals per day (because I love my body and want to nurture it), no snacks. I don’t eat more than this, I’m simply not hungry.
    TV – we don’t have it on unless it’s to watch a specific movie or show we have downloaded or hired, (no commercials) and only watch it together maybe once or twice a week in the evening for an hour or two. We never watch actual television – ugh!
    Alcohol – we don’t drink, we’re just not interested.
    I used to have a serious drinking problem for about 20 years, but have never been to AA, I just quit. And I don’t need to rely on counting days etc… I have maybe one drink per year (that means one glass of something) and I have no desire to take it further. I respect and like myself and I like being in control of myself.
    Drugs – no drugs. Health.
    Empty Relationships – see above comments regarding my husband. I also have two amazing sons whom I count among my best friends, not to mention a number of other good, real friends including my very precious brother and sister.
    Star chasing – simply doesn’t happen.

    I refuse to take care of myself so that others will have to take care of me.

    I think it’s pretty obvious I do take a lot of care of myself and my family, so I’ll leave that one there.

    I am out of control so that others will monitor me, even though I resent them for it.

    See the subheading Alcohol above.

    I act annoyingly and find strange satisfaction in the negative attention I get.

    Nope! I love all of the positive attention I get, because I am a happy, loving person to those I come in contact with.

    I don’t know who I would be without this feeling of worthlessness, so I keep doing things to make myself feel worthless.

    I think I’ve already answered how I actually feel about myself. Far from feeling worthless – I feel loved and happy and deserving of that.

    I keep myself overwhelmed and busy to avoid my miserable marriage.

    My marriage is gloriously happy. Yes we have a wee niggle every now and then – who’s perfect? But it’s not often. The overwhelming emotions in our marriage are love and joy. I’m never busy when my husband gets home from work, he gets as much undivided attention from me as he likes, because he’s worth it!

    I use my wife for sex and meals even though I don’t really care about her.

    Hahaha I doubt he would say this but I’ll ask him…
    He tells me every day, many times per day (via text and calls when he’s at work) how much he loves and adores me. He often even composes little poems and verses and texts them to me from work. We’ve been married 11 years but the honeymoon phase is alive and well. We both put in the effort and reap the rewards.

    No matter what I do, I find a way to criticize myself as a way to keep the family tradition alive.

    Nope! I made an active effort a number of years ago to stop criticizing myself and start being my own best friend. There is always something nice you can say to yourself no matter how many mistakes or mess-ups you make. I don’t expect myself to be perfect. I am enough.

    I have always been lonely, and I push people away to keep what I have always had.

    Again – no. See the subheading ‘Empty Relationships’ above.
    Although I did do this for many, many years, and it was a very lonely place to be. Probably not for 13-14 years now.

    Oops, failed again! That will teach them not to count on me. I like to be treated like an irresponsible child.

    Everyone fails. It’s a learning experience if you use it right, but I can always be counted on to do what I say I will, and I love to help and care for others, I see this as everyone’s responsibility in life. (What a place the world would be hey?)

    I applaud you if you read the whole epistle! 

    Have a beautiful day.

  2. Sobia Ali

    Brilliant. I’m short of time (not an excuse 😉 ) so won’t write at length… but kindly provide me with more info on this:

    Oops, failed again! That will teach them not to count on me. I can’t stand people’s expectations.

    That’s my biggest concern… I can’t stand people’s expectations of me!! I don’t like seeing disappointed faces!! What’s going on in my unconscious mind??

    Thank you 🙂

© 2018 iNLP Center All rights reserved. NLP Training Certification and Life Coach Training Certification |Privacy Policy| Terms and Conditions

Send this to a friend