The most interesting part of getting in our own way is how blind we are when doing it. Think about it. Who really wants to get in their own way? When you can see obstacles, you can avoid them.
So, part of getting in your own way involves simultaneously hiding the truth of what you’re doing. From the outside, this looks absurd. Yet, when you’re doing it (and blind to the truth) it feels like your only choice, right?
Check it out. Each of the following examples shows how we’re responsible for creating the messes we find ourselves in. Can you see this reality in each example?
Here are the 20 signs that you are getting in your own way.
1. You’re upset when people do not meet your unexpressed needs.
2. You wallow in feelings of rejection after the person who always rejects you did it again.
3. You’re shocked and offended when the total jerk you decided to date turns out to be a total jerk.
4. You yell at your kids to get them to stop yelling.
5. You gossip in resentment of the biggest gossiper you know.
6. You complain about being so sick of people who complain.
7. You loathe your body after eating two pizzas and three bowls of ice cream.
8. You claim that you’d work harder if they paid you more than the pathetic salary you accepted.
9. You procrastinate because you have so much to do.
10. You’re angry due to obligations you couldn’t refuse because you’re too nice.
11. You feel more accepting of others when you believe you’re better than they are.
12. You plan on being nice to someone as soon as they are nice to you.
13. You have no idea why other people can’t just see your point of view.
14. You give and give, and get little in return, and hate people for taking advantage of you.
15. You criticize yourself while wishing others would approve of you.
16. You disobey to get people off your back.
17. You know the world’s problems will end when people stop thinking they are the center of the universe.
18. You’d put forth more effort if you knew you weren’t going to fail.
19. You’d be more honest with yourself if you had self-respect.
20. You plan on being more altruistic when you’re rich.
Good ole self-sabotage. It bites us all in the butt time and time again. And we rarely see it coming. This is because self-sabotage is typically a self-deceptive act. We simultaneously set ourselves up for social and emotional failure, while convincing ourselves that it is the obvious thing to do, or is at least justified under the circumstances. Frustrating!
There is a way out, however. It involves more education.
If you’re looking for a clear and insightful rundown of how self-deceptive self-sabotage works so you can avoid setting yourself up for immediate failure, watch this free and enlightening video.
Mike Bundrant is a retired psychotherapist, Master NLP trainer, and practicing life coach. He and his wife, Hope, founded iNLP Center in 2011. For information on coaching with Mike, please visit his coaching website AHA System.