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Shrink Even the Most Annoying Person Down to Size
Super annoying people. Most of us have them in our lives – or run into them from time to time.
If you’ve got an ‘annoyer’ in your life, here’s a totally harmless way to shrink that person down to size. Because your annoyance – believe it or not – is not about them. Annoyance is something you are doing inside yourself.
This is good news. Once you learn how you’re doing the annoyance, you can undo it quickly. You can even turn this thorn in your side into a source of personal enjoyment, seriously!
It’s possible by changing – not the other person – but your inner representation of the other person.
This is where NLP Submodalities come into play. Submodalities are part of basic NLP practitioner training. These little known thought drivers are the keys to unlock your mind.
Submodalites are the qualities or properties of what you see, hear and feel on the inside. In the example below, the main player is mental imagery. Usually, when we’re annoyed on the inside (and there is no other way to be annoyed) we’re making internal pictures or sounds that are out of proportion with the outside world.
And we play them over and over in our heads. It’s important to become aware of how we’re doing this before we can make a change and feel better.
Check out this very recent example by one of our NLP students.
One day, I had an afternoon tea with my friend, who was frustrated with her new boss. While she talked to me, my friend put her both hands on her head and said, “My head is going to blow out. The pressure from my job is overwhelming.”
She told me that her new boss was really annoying her. My friend is a responsible person, especially about her job. The old boss she worked with always said she did an excellent job. But the new boss just blamed her for whatever she did, and even blamed her for the unsuccessful project which was not under her responsibility.
Whenever she thinks of her new boss, she pictures (inside her own mind) a very tall man, even five times her size, with a loud, blaming voice.
I felt her upset and frustration. I told her to try another way to think about her boss. I suggested that she shrink the image of her boss down to a small size, maybe just one-inch tall, and turn his voice volume down low. That was all I said.
A few days later, I got a phone call. From her voice, I could tell she was happy. She said that she practices the way I told showed her to picture her boss. Now, when she physically stands in front of her boss, she mentally imagines the small person with a low voice. Then, she feels comfortable and picks up her confidence again. She even shares her ideas about projects with him without fear.
Unexpectedly, her boss started speaking to her in a calm voice, and the overwhelming feeling is a thing of the past!
By using a change of submodalities, my friend now has a different prospective about her boss She has overcome her fear and changed the business relationship!
Here we see that significant personal change really can be simple. It’s all a matter of knowing what to do. This is where NLP shines like no other set of skills.
If you’re super annoyed by someone, close your eyes and make a mental image of that person. Then, listen to their voice. What’s it like for you?
Mike Bundrant is a retired psychotherapist, Master NLP trainer, and practicing life coach. He and his wife, Hope, founded iNLP Center in 2011. For information on coaching with Mike, please visit his coaching website AHA System.