Researchers from the University of Queensland, Australia have uncovered a key to great relationships and personal popularity. Itâs the ability to take anotherâs point of view.
In NLP, we call it, âgoing second position.â
The research, which appears in the journal Child Development, is a meta-analysis of 20 studies. Over 2000 âpopularâ children throughout North America, Europe, Asia and Australia were analyzed. Researcher Virginia Slaughter reported the following:
Our study suggests that understanding others’ mental perspectives may facilitate the kind of interactions that help children become or remain popular.
We can easily infer that likability among adults follows the same principle. We all want to be understood. If you have the ability to understand others, then youâre going to be appreciated.
In any relationship, we suggest there are three points of view. Here they are:
1. Your own position: Your thoughts feelings, opinions and experience.
2. The otherâs position: What the other must be feeling, thinking and experiencing.
3. The observer: This third position represents what a neutral observer might notice.
The above study suggests that if you mentally put yourself in anotherâs position and deduce what;s going on, then youâre going to be well-liked.
Actually, we can do much better than that!
First, acknowledge how you felt, what you were thinking and how things went for you.
Next, pull way back and imagine what a neutral observer might notice about the two of you. Whatâs really going on here? Let this neutral perspective in!
Then, take the other personâs perspective. What must it be like for him or her in this conversation with you? How do you look through their eyes?
Finally, return to the first position, your own, and reevaluate. What have you learned?
Slipping in the observer position really helps get the big picture. I submit that it even helps create a more informed other position.
These tools are taught in greater depth in the NLP practitioner training, as they have been for over 30 years. Itâs nice to see science catching up!
Research source for this article: