Arguing is a normal part of any close relationship, right?
Yet, when you consider the delusions that lead to arguments and the proven detriment to your health, you may begin to reconsider just how “normal” all those arguments really are.
First, let’s look at recent research that suggests chronic arguing is an early death sentence. Then, we’ll briefly discuss the delusions.
Chronic Arguments Equal Early Death
The study analyzed 9,875 women and men between the ages of 36 and 52 over a period of 11 years. Results were published in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health by a research team from the University of Copenhagen in Denmark.
Participants were surveyed about social relationships, focusing particularly on those relationships that caused stress. They tracked the health of the participants between 2000 and 2011 using the Danish Cause of Death Registry.
When the study ended, 226 of the men and 196 of the women had passed away. While about half of those deaths were from cancer, the remaining deaths were from illness such as heart disease, stroke, liver disease, suicide, and accidents.
At the end of the analysis, however, researchers concluded that the risk of death was 50 to 100 percent higher when family members were the source of frequent worry, stress or excessive demands. Chronic arguing had a shocking impact on mortality. When participants argued frequently, the risk of early death doubled or tripled.
The researchers believe this dramatic increase in mortality was due to the likelihood that people who lived in conflict-filled family relationships had a lower tendency to seek medical treatment when they needed it. They also noted that increased levels of stress are associated with serious risk factors, such as high blood pressure, increased cortisol levels, higher inflammation and risk of angina.
In other words, if you live in an stressful, argument-filled relationship, then you are taking your life into your own hands. It will be well worth the investment of education and personal growth effort to end the cycle of stress in your family.
It Can Begin with Addressing the Following Delusions that Lead to Chronic Argument
The Delusion of Being Right
Being wrong is simply intolerable for so many of us. It seems we’d rather disappear from the earth than admit that we made a mistake or a moral error. Forget that. We’ll defend our righteousness until the end!
Interestingly, being wrong is one of the more common experiences that anyone can have. We constantly make errors in judgment, miscalculations, oversights, mistakes and often betray what we know deep down is the right thing to do.
There isn’t a perfect person on this planet. Therefore, defending ourselves is a massive set up for interpersonal conflict. Others can often see clearly when you are in the wrong. And they – in one way or another – want to hold you accountable.
And you know the rest of the story.
Emotional Insistence on the Impossible
Not many people in the psychology and personal development are discussing insistence, but it plays a major role in stressful relationships. Emotional insistence happens when you want to change the impossible – or what you have no control over. It manifests in imperatives:
You’re my wife! You should understand.
You’re my husband. You have to agree with me.
You’re my kid. You have to become a doctor.
He’s my brother, so he should be my friend. We must get along.
And so on. We insist that things be a certain way when, in reality, there are never likely to become so. The insistence on the impossible (or extremely unlikely) leads to conflict, grudges, stress and despair.
The Miracle of Blame
In an instant of blame, you make all your problems someone else’s fault. So, even if you’re life is a wreck, at least you maintain your innocence. Of course, your problems remain forever out of your control when you believe they originate outside of you. And, as you well know, other people don’t take kindly to being blamed. They usually just blame right back and now you’ve got another argument on your hands.
What These Delusions Have In Common
All three of these delusions share a common thread. Each of the above patterns invites rejection into your life. When you chronically blame, insist on the impossible and delude yourself with your own righteousness, you set yourself up to be chronically rejected.
When that rejection comes; when people don’t take kindly to you, it often fuels further blame, insistence and self-righteousness. And the cycle breeds conflict and tension in relationships continues. This is self-sabotage. According to the study, it will take years off your life.
If you see yourself somewhere in the article, it is crucial that you put a stop to this cycle of self-sabotage and invite some peace into your life. To learn how self-sabotage works against you and how to stop it, watch the self-sabotage video mentioned below.
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