Whose Life is it Anyway? My Extraordinary Personal Revolution

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hands-tree-chainsYou can change your entire life from the inside out.

You can buck all the odds and make your life exactly what it has been crying out to become.

You can do it. The results are for real and the path forward is available.

Most people don’t take this daring path, however.

They spend their entire lives worrying about the same things, with the same old fears and dysfunctional relationship patterns – and with familiar pain and frustration brewing just under the surface.

Then, they medicate themselves – as I did – with food, drugs, alcohol and denial.

Others take a shot at change, with one fatal flaw: They are looking for magic.

Unfortunately, there are lots of guru-liars out there willing to sell quick-fix solutions. A sucker is born every minute and personal development marketers know this all too well.

Buying a quick fix for a long-standing problem is naïve at best and self-sabotage at worst. In your heart of hearts, do you really believe that hocus-pocus is going to heal you?

It goes like this: Repeat this positive affirmation. Do this simple meditation for just three days. Listen to this CD before going to bed. Tap on your cheekbone to dispel the negative vibes in your energy field…

People spend hard earned money over decades in pursuit of the easy way out, yet this strategy ends up being the most difficult of all – and the most expensive.

It doesn’t work. Techniques won’t heal you.

Yes, those quickie interventions are interesting and they do offer limited or short-term results, but they do not heal what needs to be healed within you.

I know because I have been there.

At one point in my life, I felt as trapped, anxious, depressed and miserable as anyone. One day, I was particularly bitter and my mentor asked a question that still rings in my ears 20 years later.

He said, “This is it, Mike. You are up against the question of questions. “Can you really change your core beliefs and be who you want to be, inside and out?”

All the outward circumstances in my life echoed a resounding, “NO!”

I was raised in a cultish religion that, although unhappy, I knew I could never leave because it was God’s one true church. The sheer terror of losing my salvation, as well as every friend I ever had, was my constant companion.

I had made an eternal marriage vow to the most mismatched woman I can imagine and resided, with my wife and six children, in utter isolation and despair. Nobody had a clue as to how unhappy we were, as we hid behind the most convincing front.

I was locked in a dead end, anxiety-provoking job that I forced myself to attend every single day. We were deeply in debt, of course, so having my own full-time business was just a frustrating pipe dream.

Every element of my life was wrong and I could not, for the life of me, see the way out.

So, I was a zealot for personal growth.  I learned it all. NLP, TFT, EFT, EMDR, hypnosis, affirmations, and more. If there was a new, hot modality, I soaked it up and obsessively applied it over a ten-year period. I read compulsively. I fasted for days at a time and prayed my guts out.

Yet, I still felt trapped in a life that wasn’t mine, and everyone around me suffered.

Then it all fell apart.

I was in Tokyo on a 30-day teaching stint when my wife and I agreed, after 16 years, to a divorce. Riddled with fear and pain, I sat and stared out a window for 36 hours. Then, I anxiously confessed the pending divorce with my religious authority to make sure that I wouldn’t be condemned for breaking a priesthood covenant.

I was warned that I would need to get married again right away, but for now I was in the clear. Whew.

Then it hit me. What kind of advice was that? Whose life is this anyway?

My mentor’s question came back with a rush. Can I really change my core beliefs and be myself?

Over the next three years, I did just that. I questioned everything.

I left my religion, lost all my friends and estranged my family, then entered into a black hole of existential angst. It took two years to work my way out and find a new purpose – a purpose that I can embrace.

Most importantly, I learned how psychological attachments kept me wallowing in misery, mercilessly reinforcing old patters of control, deprivation and rejection.

I did extensive coaching with someone who’d been there. I wasn’t looking for a quick fix any longer. I was going deep this time and it paid off.

I worked and worked and turned my life around.

Now, I wouldn’t trade the struggle for anything. My business at the iNLP Center is thriving and serving the needs of hundreds of students and clients.

I write for the most popular natural and mental health websites in the world and my articles are read by millions of people.

I met and married my match.

That voice in my head that constantly chanted, “You can’t. You’ll fail. You are worthless…” That voice is quiet.

The chronic anxiety, panic attacks and depression have subsided.

Life is good. It came only after I paid my dues and did the deep work necessary to give up childhood attachments and limiting beliefs.

I asked my mentor, “Yes, but how do you change a belief? What’s the method?”

“There is no method,” he replied. “Do the work.”

My advice: Stop telling yourself that any quick-fix technique is going to heal you. Look at everything. Stop fearing your fears enough to face them. Stop denying your deeper longings. Buckle down and begin the process. If you are going to heal yourself, denial and magical thinking are your enemies.

You’ll need help from people who’ve been there. Reach out to those people.

You’ll need to understand the nature of your attachments. This is why we’ve created the AHA Solution – begin with this free video. This 20-minute video will blow your mind – grab a paper and pen and take notes.

You’ll need access to that determined part of you that knows you can find the life you are meant to live.

Along the way, you’ll meet tragedy as well as triumph, as I did. You will have ongoing challenges.

This is called living.

If you’d like help implementing the principles in this article, consider life coaching with Mike Bundrant. Learn more and inquire by clicking here.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

About Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is a retired psychotherapist, Master NLP trainer, and practicing life coach. He and his wife, Hope, founded iNLP Center in 2011. For information on coaching with Mike, please visit his coaching website AHA System.

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