Self-Sabotage

Controlling People: Nine Subtle Ways You Give Others Too Much Power

Controlling people. Are you sick of everyone trying to control you? It’s easy to get sick of controlling people. They think they know what’s best for you. They feel like they need to approve of every decision you make. They...  

Self-Sabotaging | Why You Avoid Happiness at all Costs

This article offers a unique perspective on self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior. Are you ready for the twisted truth about self-sabotage? Read on if you dare.  Despite extensive experience with Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching, for over 30 years I wondered why I...  

Subconscious Mind | 9 Facts You Should Know [plus FREE WORKBOOK]

In this post, your subconscious mind is going to reach up and give you a cold, refreshing slap in the face. The results could be dramatic, especially when you use the free workbook (right here or at the bottom of...  

Feeling Rejected? Take the Opportunity to Feel Good

Are you feeling rejected and not willing to accept each opportunity to feel good? If you’re in a rut of feeling bad, the prospect of feeling good all the time might be intimidating. So intimidating, in fact, that you might...  

How to Challenge your Unconscious Decisions and Transform Bad Habits

Classic NLP decision strategies are part of NLP practitioner training. First thing in the morning, I get up and make a pot of coffee. No biggie. It’s just a routine. And I’m certainly glad I don’t need to reevaluate morning...  

Three Benefits that Come from Exploring your Dark Side

I guess we’re all two people. One daylight, and the one we keep in shadow. — Bruce Wayne/Batman Disclaimer: This article is my opinion about exploring the dark side of your personality. No scientific claim is being made. If you’re...  

Why Your Mind Turns Against You and How to Rescue Yourself

So there you are, rowing along in the sea of life, seeking out your little island paradise where you can find happiness. How’s it going? If you’re struggling, it could be because your mind has turned against you. A part...  

20 Signs You Are Getting In Your Own Way

The most interesting part of getting in our own way is how blind we are when doing it. Think about it. Who really wants to get in their own way? When you can see obstacles, you can avoid them. So,...  

The Elusive Positive Attitude: Why You Just Can’t Hold Onto It

If you’ve come here in search of tidy tips on how to have a positive attitude, you’re in for a shock. A lack of positive attitude tips is NOT the problem. Most of us know more positive attitude advice than...  

Maybe You’re Looking for Trouble (Like I Was)

I didn’t realize it at the time, but a mentor once made sense of my entire life. I was complaining. My wife wouldn’t cooperate and was making my life a living hell. My job wasn’t going well because the system was...  

27 Lies I Tell Myself That Block Happiness

I feel happy a lot of the time. But when I get stuck feeling bad, I typically find twisted logic pinging around in my brain. This twisted logic keeps me invested in hanging onto the bad feelings. In other words,...  

Stop Rejecting Opportunity to Feel Good: 5 Steps to Embrace Your Best Self

If you’re in a rut of feeling bad, the prospect of feeling great much of the time might be intimidating. So intimidating, in fact, that you might very well avoid positive feelings altogether. One study published in Journal of Psychosomatic...  

Top 5 Self-Sabotaging Habits to Quit Right Now

More than 150 people and counting have taken at least one of our new email coaching programs. Hope and I have learned a lot about the self-sabotaging habits that people tend to struggle with. I’d like to share the top...  

20 Ways You Might Be Punishing Yourself

Many issues we face would make much more sense if we considered them self-punishment. At least we’d be starting from a practical place. Instead, most of us try solve problems by complaining. Then we play an endless, neurotic game of...  

Three Hopeful Truths to Remember When Dealing with Negative Thoughts

So you’re sitting with a friend – let’s call her Sally – over lunch. Nice day. The two of you are having a ball munching a delicious meal, sipping your favorite beverage and discussing frivolous things. Life is good. Then,...  

Shining Light On Rejection: What We’ve Discovered from Over 1000 Responses to Our Rejection Attraction Quiz

Since we launched our Rejection Attraction Quiz, 1200 people have taken it. So, THANK YOU to all who took the quiz. By the way, if you haven’t taken it and want to, you can take the Rejection Attraction Quiz here....  

Rejection Attraction Quiz

Welcome to the Enlighten Me Survey Rejection Attraction Quiz! This quiz assesses how prone you are to rejection. Many of us feel chronic low self-esteem and some form of rejection on a regular basis. Further, we subconsciously set ourselves up...  

Attachment to Rejection: A Psychological Syndrome

Note: This page is a work in progress. As our understanding of the Rejection Attachment develops, the information here will be updated. The information below is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental health condition and is to be...  

NLP Action Video: Moving the Unconscious Obstacle in the Way of Motivation

Today Hope and I decided to something cool and different. We thought you’d enjoying seeing some classic NLP demonstrated. So, we made an “action video” for you. In this new video, I work as a classic NLP practitioner with Hope,...  

Three Delusions that Lead to Chronic Arguing, High Stress and Early Death

Arguing is a normal part of any close relationship, right? Yet, when you consider the delusions that lead to arguments and the proven detriment to your health, you may begin to reconsider just how “normal” all those arguments really are....  

Disarm your Inner Critic with these Simple Steps

This is a VERY short video with a super effective technique for handing your inner critic. The technique is RARE, so you’ve most likely NEVER heard of it before. Better yet: It works! If you like this video, you’ll LOVE...  

No Good YES without a lot of NO

If you’re like me, you have a few things in life that you love to do and do very well. You also have heartfelt obligations toward others and passions that you need to say YES to. Then there all the...  

I Hate My Life! A Story of Deep Transformation

I used to wake up every day with a sickening chant going off in my mind. I hate my life. I hate my life! I hate my life…! This went on for years. And it was true. I hated my...  

The Hidden Obstacle to Becoming Naturally Assertive

What would happen in your life if you were more assertive when you need to be? For most people who lack assertiveness, miracles would happen. You’d be able to speak up and get what you need from others. You’d be...  

Research: Why Some Women Work Too Hard and Give Too Much

If you are a hard working woman who gives and gives, yet still feels less than, you are not alone. The research summarized below describes women with “low self-esteem” who work extra hard to maintain their marriages because they don’t...  

6 Ways Remaining Silent Creates Pain, Wrongdoing and Despair

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind. Rudyard Kipling spoke these famous words to the Royal College of Surgeons in London in 1923. He continued: Not only do words infect, egotize, narcotize, and paralyze, but they...  

10 Signs you are NOT Ready for a Great Relationship

You don’t have to be single to wonder whether or not you are ready for a relationship. In fact, millions of people who aren’t really ready find themselves in the middle of relationships that are going….badly. Regardless of your status,...  

Trapped by your Mind? Learn This Five Step Process for Releasing Limiting Beliefs

Imagine that you are driving down a country road. Suddenly, the road comes to a “T” – a three-way intersection that requires you to turn left or right. You look up and notice the most puzzling road sign. The sign...  

Why Am I So Insecure?

“That all started in my 30’s,” Jennifer Aniston admits her insecurities began during her relationship to Brad Pitt. Jennifer Aniston went through her awkward stage when she was married to Brad Pitt. Instead of experiencing insecurities when she was younger...  

Live with the Same Old Problems: Is There a Real Solution? (yes, right here)

At 7:15 AM, Martin opens his eyes and makes the same vow he made yesterday: Today, I am going to eat a clean diet. And when I get off work, I am going straight to the gym. At 7 AM...  

5 Steps to Handle Parts of Yourself that you Absolutely Hate

Are there parts of yourself that you hate? For some, these are physical parts. You hate your nose, your lips, your thighs, belly or ankles because you believe they are so ugly. For others, a psychological part is ruining things....  

Six Reasons Why People Stay in a Bad Relationship

A bad relationship is a living hell, yet millions of people stay in them – sometimes for life. Why? There are reasons. I recently set out to compare notes with my colleague, Jake Eagle of Reology.org. Jake is an extremely...  

How to Overcome a Deep Sense of Shame: the Essential FAQ and To-Do List

Do you find yourself feeling ashamed even when you’ve done nothing wrong? Those of us with shame issues know all too well the rush of warm blood to the neck and face that makes us want to run and hide....  

You Want To Be Loved More, But…

You want your spouse, partners or friends to love you more, but are you up for it? If you’re like me, you tend to resist when others try to intervene in your life. This resistance is resistance to being loved....  

10 Signs you are Emotionally Attached to a Negative Past

Can you say it? I am emotionally attached to the negativity in my past. That attachment to interferes with my present-day life as an adult. I remember entering therapy for the first time 25 years ago. I interviewed several therapists...  

Have you Given your Independence Away?

Are you as independent as you’d like to be? Over the years I have personally asked hundreds of clients this very question. According to my estimation, 90% respond in the negative. Here’s how loss of perceived independence happens in so...  

How to Get Out of the Shadow of a Negative Past – The Essential FAQ

It’s in the past. Forget it and move on! This is typical advice from a thousand armchair psychologists. It is also common to hear this from professional counselors and coaches. Little do these well-intended folks know that this is not...  

The Most Valuable and Feared Gift You Possess

Here’s the undeniable truth: Individuality is the most valued and most feared gift a person can possess. Everyone has the gift of individuality. Most people avoid it as if it were poison. Confidence and comfort with individuality is rare. This...  

The New List of Life’s Top Stressors: Seven things that steal your joy

The top ten stressful events listed on the original Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory included: death of a spouse, divorce, marital separation, jail term, death of a close relative, injury or illness, marriage, loss of job, marriage reconciliation and retirement. As...  

How to Let Go of Painful, Negative Relationships

Would you voluntarily hop into a cage with an angry gorilla then wonder how you got stuck with the beast? Dang gorilla is about to kill me! Why should I have to put up with this? You don’t. You put...  

How to Express your Needs without Getting Shot Down

Every time I say what I need, it turns into an argument. So, I just give up, suck it up and go on feeling deprived and resentful. It’s no use speaking up because everyone is too busy to care. I...  

How I Ended Self-Sabotage and Created a New Career Path

The following is a guest post by Dr. Janice Walton of The Learning Corner, an online counseling supervision provider. In November of 2002, I set a goal of creating a website that offered online coaching, consulting, and supervision for mental...  

See Through These Six False Beliefs And Be Free

I am thrilled to present this guest post by author Guy Finley. Guy’s work has been translated into 20 languages and has sold more than a million copies worldwide. It is an honor to have him as our special guest....  

Why Am I So Unhappy? Here’s why…

It’s a question that can quietly guide your life. Why am I so unhappy? And it’s a fair question. There are definite reasons why you are unhappy, but that does not mean you understand them. Most us of keep those...  

Why Your Mind Acts Like a Personal Torture Chamber

Your mind inflicts suffering like no other person can. Other people can hurt you, but only your mind can take that hurt, magnify it, extend it over time, give you bad dreams, stress you into oblivion and drag you through...  

Introducing the Evil Twins that Ruin our Lives

A lot of people think they have a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel on the other. In reality, they have a little devil on one shoulder and a little devil disguised as an angel on the...  

What to do When Life is a Series of Wrong Turns

Life is a series of wrong turns…that’s a pretty good metaphor for a lot of us. The way we see life is pretty powerful in determining the way we live life. If I tell myself that life is a struggle,...  

10 Signs You Believe it’s Wrong to Be Happy

We all want to live happy, fulfilled lives. Sometimes, however, it seems like we’ve become experts at avoiding happiness. If you are missing out on your share of happiness, you may have unconscious beliefs that make it impossible to experience...  

Are You Seeking Rejection Without Knowing It?

You might not believe the extreme measures I took to win my older brother’s approval. They all failed. When I started businesses that succeeded against the odds, he shrugged his shoulders. When I took up expensive hobbies (that I suck...  

How to Free the Positive Person Inside You

Do you wish you were a more positive person? Most people do. In fact, inner negativity is a universal problem. Chronic negativity can smother the naturally positive person that you are, deep down. The entire world is suffering with this...  

Recognizing your Spouse’s Self-Sabotage Brings You Freedom

Understanding where your spouse is coming from is key to being happier. Your spouse may have no interest at all in understanding him or herself, but by understanding his or her self-sabotage or psychological attachments you can keep him or...  

Pull Up Self-Sabotage by the Roots

What is self-sabotage? Self-sabotage is a term we throw around a lot . We know what it is in a general sense or when we see someone doing it. But what is it really? When we talk about self-sabotage, we...  

How to Know if you Have Weak Emotional Boundaries

Weak emotional boundaries are amongst the most confusing of psychological issues because it is very difficult to self-diagnose weak boundaries. Because the emotional boundaries (rules, expectations, protocol) that set the stage for our relationships are initially formed when we are...  

5 Ways you Trick yourself into Prolonging Emotional Pain

Many people are surprised to learn that their favorite coping mechanism for handling emotional pain actually causes more problems than it solves. Let’s look at four solid steps to effectively dealing with emotional pain and five reactions that trick you...  

What Goes on Inside a Control Freak?

Are you a control freak? Or do you live with a control freak? This article will prove that a control freak is not at all what she (or he) seems. With control freaks, what you see is NOT what you...  

These 7 Facts about the Human Psyche Lead You<br> Straight into the Matrix

Do you sometimes experience feelings or behaviors that you cannot explain? Most people have an area of their life that just doesn’t add up. When you factor in all that you know, you just can’t make sense of it. Why...  

If Your Unconscious Mind Could Speak, Here Is What It Would Say

This article is likely to provoke the following defenses: Anger, disbelief, mirth, shame, confusion, blame, fear, intellectual scorn, emotional paralysis, self-criticism, other criticism, a numb feeling and other means of avoiding the truth. Read on with caution, and realize we’re...  

When You HAVE the Tools, But You DON’T Use Them

For more than 20 years I asked some of the best minds and most successful people in the world a simple question. The answers varied, but none of them were satisfying. The most common answers: I don’t know. If we...  

The Buried Secret that Runs People’s Lives

Most people have a secret buried so deep that they forget all about it, but that doesn’t make it less real. So many of us lock this difficult truth away, often taking it to the grave without ever recognizing it,...  

How to Discover the Limiting Beliefs that Create Self-Sabotage

Imagine walking toward a beautiful, white sand beach. The sky is clear, the sun warm. A soft breeze caresses your skin. You can hear the cheerful sounds of your friends enjoying themselves, having the time of their lives on this...  

Why it’s So Hard to Tell the Truth

According to research, the average American lies 11 times a week. This surprising finding inspired other researchers to establish a connection between lying and health. They found one. Officially, medical research suggests that telling “fewer” lies increases your physical health....  

Why Some Simple Behaviors Seem Impossible To Change

Are you struggling to change a behavior or habit? Fewer things are more frustrating than failing to make changes that appear so simple. It’s as if you were convinced you could press the change button at the left by touching ...  

How to Overcome Chronic Regret

Living a life tainted by regret is a burden carried by far too many. Immersed in the circumstances of the past, you are blind to hope and chained to thoughts of how things might have been. If now is the...  

The Disneyland Effect: Five Fantasies That Will Never Come True

I don’t know about you, but I love Disneyland. I honestly feel like nothing else matters when I’m there. It’s a great place to escape reality and get caught up in the magic of a pretend world. From the fake...  

Perfection is NOT the Goal

This is a guest post by iNLP student Kelli Cooper. None of us are perfect, no major revelations there. We know this. But, I think on some level, many of us who seriously take on the path of personal development...  

The Seven Deadly Sins of Personal Development

Personal development’s seven deadly sins are especially dangerous because when you are the sinner, you may not see it. In such a state of sin against your own growth, you often blind yourself to the truth of what you are...  

I Suck! How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk

I can’t believe how stupid I am. As if anyone would really want to read this article. What could I possibly have to say? I’m just not good enough. Sound familiar? You know what negative self-talk is, but do you...  

How Do You Make Yourself Anxious?

This is a guest post from Duff McDuffee, trainer with the iNLP center. The amount of new technology that has come about in the past 30 years is astounding. As a result, our lives have changed dramatically. Yet millions of...  

7 Assumptions Your Brain Can’t Help But Make

We all want to believe we are tough to fool. The problem is, even if you are not so gullible, your brain still works a certain way, making associations that create vulnerability to being easily fooled, or fooling yourself. It...  

 

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