Home | The Secret to Succeeding Where You’ve Always Failed
The Secret to Succeeding Where You’ve Always Failed
There is probably an important goal you’d like to meet…one that has been difficult to pull off. You’re capable of getting there. However, if you’re struggling with follow through, this post will tell you why and what to do about it.
What’s the secret to accomplishing anything you want?
That’s it. You must care more about your end result than you’ve cared until now. I know this is true because I’ve lived through years of not caring enough in many areas of my life. When you make the transformation to caring more, an entirely new world of possibility opens.
Let’s say you want to get in shape, start a business, enhance your relationship or take time to meditate. You have a specific goal. You can make a list of things to do that will move you toward the desired end result. This is the easy part for many of us.
Now, days, weeks and months go by…..
If you haven’t arrived where you should have, why not? You ARE capable, right?
I’ve been there. I used to think, “Man, if only I’d been following my nutrition and exercise plan this whole time, I’d be super fit!”
Now, I simply work on caring more. When I encounter obstacles to caring, I work my way through them. Achieving any real world result is possible if you can get yourself to care enough. When you care, you do.
Do you care enough about your desired end result to:
• Exercise when you don’t feel like it?
• Bypass delectable junk food when others are enjoying it right in front of you?
• Sacrifice your favorite TV show to spend time with your partner?
• Take the time to really listen for your partner’s needs and act to fulfill them?
• Work on that business plan or website when you’d rather be relaxing?
• Do your morning meditation routine when you’d rather skip it?
When you care 100% more, you’ll make the necessary sacrifice and just do what needs to be done. Over time, you’ll arrive at your desired result and BE TOTALLY THRILLED.
What’s the secret to caring more?
It begins with understanding your AMBIVALENCE.
Ambivalence is powerful. It means that part of you wants to succeed and part of you does NOT want to succeed. Part of you says YES and part of you says NO. You’re a house divided.
When this is the case, you’re likely to get excited about something you want to achieve. Then, all motivation goes out the window when hard work and sacrifice are required. Why? Because part of you DOESN’T care about the end result all that much.
It’s predictable. When what you have to do is easy, you won’t need to care as much. When the task in front of you is difficult, you’ll need all the caring in your soul to make it happen. And most worthwhile achievements require hard work and sacrifice.
If you can face your ambivalence, you’ve taken a step in the right direction. Now, you’re in a position to say:
I want to lose weight, but part of me just doesn’t want to make the sacrifice.
I want to start my own business, but part of me is holding back.
I want to improve my relationship, but I am not willing to for some reason.
I want the peace that comes from meditating, but part of me is lazy.
Beautiful. Before you make all kinds of obsessive plans and set yourself up for disappointment again, why not get to know the part of you that doesn’t care? It’s been sabotaging your efforts for years. Are you going to pretend it doesn’t exist? That would be a mistake.
What does this part of you want? How did it learn to act this way? How can you do the necessary healing that will allow you to care 100% about your happiness?
The missing piece is often found in the part of your psyche that just doesn’t care. In fact, many of my clients’ lives have transformed just by skillfully digging into these kinds of questions.
Of course, not everyone has a non-caring part. But a lot of us do. And it’s so frustrating, I know. Yet, it’s not going away until you deal with it.
Can you coach the non-caring part of you?
Yes. This is what I do. I offer a 12-session coaching program for people who are stuck in this way. I might be uniquely qualified for this kind of coaching because at one point in life I was the King of Not Caring About Anything.
I’ve found that with about three months of focus, with the methods I use, people begin to heal these buried parts of their psyche. And they become capable of caring more fully about their goals in life.
It’s not magic. The process involves healing the part of you that – for a variety of legitimate reasons – learned that caring can be painful. And it certainly can. Still, a healing process is necessary if you want to achieve fulfillment.
Is it time for you to care more?
In the past I have offered free introductory sessions to people who have not worked with me before. Alas, those days are gone. Now, I get too many inquiries to handle, so I have a different kind of no-risk coaching offer. To learn more, visit this page and let’s go to work on you.
Mike Bundrant is a retired psychotherapist, Master NLP trainer, and practicing life coach. He and his wife, Hope, founded iNLP Center in 2011. For information on coaching with Mike, please visit his coaching website AHA System.