Do you have unresolved grief in your life? How can you tell if you do? If so, what can you do about it? These are some interesting questions that many times go unanswered. If your unresolved grief is not acknowledged, it can cause much unnecessary pain in your life.
Unresolved grief is often overlooked or misunderstood. Unresolved grief is present in many of us. First, we are angry or upset. Next, we question why we are upset. Then, we look at our immediate circumstances and do not see the problem.
Have you ever been really upset but could not pinpoint why? Then you stew and start that negative pattern
I call it the feedback loop from hell. You keep it going and going, torturing yourself to the point where you no longer have any idea how you got there in the first place. You are then still left with the confusing question, “Why am I upset”? The origin is likely that sneaky subconscious act of unresolved grief.
Have you ever had a disappointing or even a tragic event take place in your life? The odds for most people are high. What did you do after this event happened? How did you handle it? Most importantly, did you create peace with it?
The last question I asked above can often be the most overlooked piece of this puzzle. I have witnessed many people have a traumatic event in their life, recognize it, suppress it, and finally, they forget about it and leave it as unfinished business that could likely return to haunt them later. This leaves them with unresolved grief. Often they have not worked through the stages of grief to finally making peace.
It can be tough to determine if the challenges you have come from unresolved grief. However, there are some steps to test this. You can then determine if the unresolved grief is the cause of your current aggravations. If not, you can work toward other possible solutions while creating new skills toward managing unresolved grief. Either way, you have created a new resourceful problem-solving skill.
Several years back I was having a problem with feeling angry and sad at work. I could not figure out for the life of me why I was feeling this way. The job I had was going well. I was in good standing with the company. I liked my co-workers and had a good boss. My personal relationships were going well too. I could not see the issue.
Still, the anger and sadness kept antagonizing me. This led to more anger and sadness. I could not figure it out and didn’t know what to do about it. I started to think about what made me mad and then it hit me! It was a song I heard each day at work that brought back a memory a social event during a bad break up I had a year or so before. Then, the song that played right after it was a song played at my cousin’s funeral. I realized a couple of things. This music was on a playlist of about 20 songs that looped over and over during my eight-hour shift.
I began to think about how I never faced the grief head-on to resolve it. Instead, I suppressed this grief which came to surface with the songs that I unintentionally anchored to the events. So, each day at work the unresolved grief would come back over and over, causing me to feel sad and angry with no conscious awareness of why I was feeling that way!
Once I recognized this subconscious anchor made from the songs, I was able to make peace with the past, allowing the negative feelings of anger and sadness to go away. As a result, things signifacantly improved.
Steps to discover if you have unresolved grief:
If you have been experiencing feelings you are not happy with and cannot identify, check to see if you have unresolved grief. It can be that sneaky thief of your good emotions. Don’t let it steal the sunshine in your life and your playful soul.
Do you need help discovering or making peace with your unresolved grief? Learn more about my grief coaching package designed to teach you how to manage your grief and develop more resourceful ways to approach life.